Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I did bad things but I am not a bad person.

Bullshit.  I was.

I like to write about myself.  Am I doing it to stay strong? Am I doing it to relive the debauchery and the shame?  Even in rehab me and my dudes were the bad boys.  We sat outside smoking cigs all fucking night until we had to roll in while the other dudes were playing ping pong or in prayer group.

Prayer Group.  This one dude (lets call him Jeff, and lets call him that because his name is actually Jeff) rolled in on my second day.  Clock what he said "dude fuck this.  These guys look like idiots.  I want to get out of here.  My wife cut off all me credit cards and I have no access to my bank account or I would split.  I just want to use and get the Hell out of here".  By his third day he was leading prayer group.  Because wifey liked that. Because at the end of thirty he got his credit cards back. Because then he cold go back to coke and prostitutes every once in awhile. And the prostitutes?  Oh dude he would hire these chicks and not allow them to speak or move.  He just had them stand in the corner while he raged.

He still does this.  He got his money back.

So I on the other hand smoke cigs and crack jokes and tell the counselor I want to throw a chair through the window and my girl?  She leaves.

So now I crave it.  I crave debauchery more than I crave the booze and drugs.  I crave the chaos and I crave the hit.  But you know I don't do it.  I just don't.  But maybe if I joined prayer group my girl would have stayed and maybe then I wouldn't feel like such a fucking bad person.

Oh yeah...this is Steve.  We asked him to join our blog.  He smoked cigs with us.

15 comments:

  1. When I was in rehab back in 2001 I actually managed to get laid in detox. We didn't have prayer groups.

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  2. Glad you like hello kitty ! I know you are lying but love the comment!

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  3. Jeff was one dude who needed a lot of work. He actually, half the time, would talk about church and God and all that stuff. But all the bad stuff was still there. Addiction isn't so much about the chemical part, so much as the underlying pain the person feels. But he didn't wanna let people understand him and help him work through that shit. That's why he kept using and behaving the way he did. When you're an addict, it's always "me me me." I hope he's found help wherever he is now.

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  4. there's a little manson in all of us

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  5. Seth your post hits home, I can feel your frustration. Lesson one for me was that my journey is my own, same goes for others...

    I find lessons in other people's journeys but it never lessens mine. Ultimately do you think that you could have been doing something to strengthen your relationship with your higher power? If so then do it now. Remember that we're feelin emotions we haven't in years and that's plain bloody frightening but doesn't lessen our dedication.
    Good on you for blogging about your feelings, I looked forward to seeing how you're doing.
    Keep in touch!

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  6. Prayer group? Who are you going to fucking pray to?

    Sorry that booze grabbed you that hard, I've always drank but it's never got me in much trouble other than a few times when I was younger and having too much fun. I consider myself to be a moderate drinker. But if I do get good and shitfaced I come home in a cab, age gives ya a little wisdom, or should anyway.

    I'll never smoke pot with Willie again.

    Well, peaceful paths.

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  7. Hey, there is a book you need to read, a really honest book by a drunk that liked to screw everything in reach, and did, it's a great book and he talks about all the important fucks in the automotive industry of his day and all the fucking they did.

    BEST DAMN GARAGE IN TOWN
    By Smokey Yunick.

    You can read a bit about him on Wiki, back in my days he rocked, he was a fucking god to me.

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  9. This isn't that Awful Gledwood, so relax. It's Valerie, in Australia. I hacked into that bastard's account because you won't allow anonymous commenting.

    Seth Baby, I'm writing this from Sydney Women's Punishment Centre Down Under. I couldn't help but see your beautiful sign offering $25 million US and was wondering whether you have that money spare for a chick in a tight spot?

    I just need the bread for a small contribution to the Australian police, customs and various other government agencies re a certain 700kg bust of China White heroin travelling from Burma into Sydney Harbour on a N Korean registered tanker.

    For some reason those crooked customs "officials" wanna believe it's something to do with me.

    Now please see it in that beautiful gorgeous glowing heart of yours to lend me this small donation. I promise to pay ya back just as soon as the relevant officials have been bribed and I'm outta this dirty old can.

    Then I'll pay ya a nice big pot of neat dilaudid, a 700g bag of Double Lion Brand China White or a kilo of neat oxy powder... how does that sound!!?!

    RSVP quickly. I asked that Anna Grace with the blue hair. She set me up with a real good heroin chemist but it turns out she's piss poor would you believe.

    PS take a tip from me and avoid that Gledwood. Dingbats city there!!

    PPS if you can't lend the cash, are you any good at helecopters? I need one to buzz the yard with a long swinging rope ladder next time I'm out. I'll pay ya $2 million US and a load of A-grade Burmese heroin if ya do it :-)

    Is that Stevie Boy friend of yours loaded too? Is he any good with helecopters? Please get in touch immediately. We also need a good dilaudid/oxy chemist who can knock out a good batch of China white on the side. Can you help??? Sorry to hear you're all clean and boring now. Don't worry honey. We all got our cross to bear

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  10. You know a lot of interesting people. I do apologize about that evil Valerie. She's always hijacking my accounts to bed international money laundering favours off the cognoscenti. I thought cogniscenti was a type of pasta, but Valerie insists it means people like you.

    Now one question: do prostitutes give a refund for anything? I thought they took money for their time. I've heard some entertaining stories about clients who would hire them to get their tits out and then play Monopoly for 2 hours. Yes... Kind of makes me wish I'd gone into the sex business if only it was that easy. I knew someone who was a prostitute. A male prostitute. He was meant to be transsexual except he had a gruff voice, lantern jaw and gruesome beard. Takes all types, I spose...

    Come on Seth, post some crazy shit!!!

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  11. Fucking typos. Valerie doesn't bed money. She BEGS it. Ukh.

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  12. hey! thanks for your visit. thing about rehab, it fixes the body. usually. takes care of the physical cravings. usually. its the mental addiction that takes way more than 30 days... i only started feeling human after 4 years. and i still get that 'fuck it' attitude. even now. was it worth the hell though? yes! good luck. all of you.

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