Sunday, December 12, 2010

Hello from Brian

As Seth has already explained, we have a slightly unusual history together. Having your first memories of someone paired with a deep, cold ache you can feel in your bones is sure to make a lasting impression. Most of the people in the detox unit were idiots; whiny suburban children who got into mom's bathroom pharmacy. Seth was more like me. We actually were able to laugh once or twice throughout the 2 week process of healing our brains by denying them the comfortable chemicals that made it all run smoothly.

Anyhoo, enough about rehab. As I mentioned in my profile, I’ve also been diagnosed with ASPD, which is basically what happens when you grow up with conduct disorder and then break a law after the age of 18. I’m not saying I’m not antisocial, just that the system is imperfect. And to quickly address the stigma – I’m not like Hannibal Lecter and I don’t kill things or go around hurting animals or anything like that. It just takes a little more to excite me than it does most people. And I don’t really know what guilt is. People explain it to me and it’s a foreign concept. I have a really hard time seeing my part in things sometimes.

Recovery is pretty cool so far. I like having money for my other hobbies. There are a lot of interesting people.

I noticed a few people have already showed some support on this page. That’s very cool. I look forward to visiting your pages soon.


  1. Dude you are all right. I don't know why you have to come out with that anti social thing. I remember in group when we had to do a victims list and you said that you didn't really think you had victimized anyone, that they were all kinda part of it. I mean dude you're a nice guy and I love you just keep your mouth shut sometimes...ha.

  2. I know, it freaks people out. But I don't think it's healthy to just sweep it under the rug either. I do understand where you're coming from though.

  3. Hi,
    I think Seth is right about being open about it and it probably won't most people out.

  4. Thank you for your comment, I live in the UK and only wanted to know what sort of weather Nashville get around Feb. We here over the past month have expereienced the most atrocious weather. I don't want sympathy from you or anyone else. What gave you that Idea?


  5. Hey guys, thanks for the invite. Hope your recovery has been good for you. I'm holding it together. I've been helping other addicts and have passed along how helpful writing and getting out all that negative shit out of your system helps you not only to move on, but stay clean. Bravo dudes!

  6. Hello Seth! Thanks, you are generous.

    The institution presided by Queen Silvia are really serious and totally philanthropic.

    May Gd reward you with abundance and love.

  7. I find it difficult to relate to how you describe yourself on a personal level since I can have huge guilt feelings about that I didn't even do let alone anything that I've done. I have a son and have had acquaintances who seem to fit that description so I can relate from that point of view. Based on the information you have provided I can only read into what you are saying and I guess I will have to follow the blog to more fully understand. Good luck with your progress.

    Tossing It Out

  8. Guy in silk dress - I think you're saying I shouldn't talk about it and that it won't freak people out?

    Steve - good to see you here.

    Arlee Bird - thanks for not being freaked out. good luck to you as well.

  9. Do people seriously do rehab just for pharmaceuticals?

    You Americans got some crazy habits out there!! Here we do heroinheroinheroin or hopefully not nothing at all. We buy methadone on a street corner off some desperate addict until more heroinheroinheroin. I've got into detox once and rehab/detox another time. The people in the first place were without exception heroin and crack. Annoyingly I had to share a room with a crackhead who slept like a baby. Think they've got a terrible problem and never touched heroin!

    The other one had one coke snorter and one alcoholic. Everyone else was heroin/crack apart from me, heroin/drink (+ a bit of crack). I did enough heroin to need extra meds in both places, methadone in the first and psycho shit in the second. Every time I try and stop I go barking crazy!!

    Do you know Anna Grace from Wisconsin?

    She's feeling like shit because of bipolar disorder and could do with a kindly comment.